Sunday, January 8, 2012

I scuffed my shoe and fell for you.

This is way past over-due, but lately I just haven't been feeling it.

See, there's this thing I have with humanity. Some would call it hatred. Some would call it confusion. I simply call it Johnathon (literally for no reason).


I just don't understand what happens to people. Why am I no longer friends with the boy I stayed out all night with on the church roof? I swear to you we just stopped talking one day, and it's like, that's all it took.

I don't know why I don't speak to that girl I once labelled "best friend". I don't know why I can't seem to get over the boy from the ninth grade with the shaggy hair and hazel eyes. I don't know why I ignore people who I was friends with in 8th grade English. I just don't understand what it is about us humans that makes us fade. 

And the thing is, we all fade.

All of us. All the time. We're just watercolor smeared onto a canvas. And as beautiful as that can be sometimes; I'm sick of it. I want color. I want emotion. I want people knocking on my door asking me to hang out. I want sleepovers and long walks going no where and drinking diet coke and pretending to be all philosophical. I want to stalk the coffee shop boys and I want them to notice. I want to tell that girl I once labelled "best friend" that I miss her and wish she didn't have a boyfriend. I want to tell the boy from ninth grade that I want to marry him sort of. I want to sit on a church roof and theorize about everything.

But, all my acrylics are out. And the only colors left are water.

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