Friday, July 29, 2011

It's time to be real with you.

"If I don't say this now, I will surely break."
(For some reason this song makes me thing of mowing my lawn in the summer and that one time my mother took my brother and his friends skiing.)

This line makes me think of girl's camp. Every time the last night rolls around I have so much I want to say.
 And every time my mouth refuses to open.
 I always thought it was because I would bawl uncontrollably. But this last time I opened my mouth and the only words that came out were lame, thankful, and completely lacking of any actual emotion.
It was a very anti-climatic moment for me.
I didn't cry. I didn't shake. I didn't feel anything.

But I guess that's just how it goes sometimes.

I seem to cry only when I think about that time I failed that thing and how it's all my fault and how when in the future someone will ask me "what would you change if you could change anything?" and I will say "nothing, because everything has made me who I am today" but, deep down I will be thinking "anyone who says the fore mentioned sentence is dangerously pretentious and lying straight to your face".

"The things that are keeping you here are not keeping me here."
Sometimes, I see the things people care about and I want to stab my eyes out with my wand.
Didn't you know I'm a wizard?

"And while she looked so sad in photographs, I absolutely love her when she smiles."
This song will forever remind me of my childhood. Particularly, that one Summer day we were driving on the scary-as-_______  road with the huge drop off and the mountains looked absolutely gorgeous and I didn't mind the fact we might fall off the edge.
Also, It makes me think of how some girls want to be all sad and depressed, because they think they can prove something to someone or get someone to like them.
To me that's the dumbest thing in the entire world. And a complete misreading of those stupid movies on Lifetime and ABC Family.

"I need you more than you know now."
I don't think anyone really knows how much their needed. I have a whole ton of people who I see in real life and just love. And they don't even know I exist.
I think that's how most of us are. There's so many people who are looking at us and we don't even know the difference we're making in their lives by just existing.

"My life's floating in those waves."
If we're being completely honest here, I had to google the lyrics to this song, because I don't listen to Milosh.
It reminds me of that one boy who everyone was in love with, who chose me when I was a little sophomore and all confused and flustered at the game, who I skipped French class with that one time, so he could play the piano and tell me a story, who's concert I attended, and who made my friends a lot more interested in me (to the point where they suspiciously wanted to go to a concert or to sit with me at lunch or to talk to me in the library).

It just makes me think of awkward moments with cars and non-kissing and then kissing and calling my sister to tell her about it even though I'm pretty sure it didn't even count.
Typically, I avoid this band because it just makes me start laughing to the point when I hide my face in my  hands, because I am so incredibly embarrassed I can't even stand to think about it.
Oh, the joys of High School.

Sarah Barrus, I took your challenge.


  1. yay, im so happy (:
    i love this.

  2. I quite like this post...mostly because i liked figuring out who you were taking about and i remember the stories of those moments..and I did most the time.
    1. I remember those moments at girls camp. I would always start crying when i would say how grateful i was for Mom. She was always there but anyways thats the only time i would cry. I would also feel like i should have said more or something. So I would write my testimony down in my journal instead. Its actually quick a faith building experience. Try it
    2.I know you are a wizard because we practice magic together
    3.don't knock abc family..they have brought us TOBY...also i know who you are referring to in this
    4. Agreed
    5.Hahahha oh i loved this time of your life!! You were smitten. And so OH we would talk about how you guys were in completely different stages and then laugh...sorry. Anways LJ may you rest in peace and continue to hold awkward moments in our hearts.