he never will be anything but a boy at the bar

There is officially nothing left to photograph in my room. I guess I've gotta start taking my camera places again.

Back in the day, my thought process was this:
that male looks interesting
from my SFA (stalk from afar) i've gathered he is a non-douche
i would like him to contribute to my life
*start conversation*

Now in the day, my thought process is this:
that male looks interesting
he's probably married
*ring check*
he's probably engaged
*desktop check*
he probably has a serious girlfriend who just isn't his background because he prefers savoring her face for special moments and chose extreme sports as his desktop because that isn't as special to him
ok maybe he doesn't have a girlfriend
i am a freshman so he wouldn't date me
i don't even know how to speak with men
he's a man
i have to date men now
unless i date premies (pre-missionaries)
but i don't want to, so i am going to speak with this male
*male speaks incredibly intelligent sentence containing the words "tolstoy" and "society" and adjusts his glasses*
.......
.......
.......
i need to get educated
i am a child here

That's honestly the only way I can describe it. I've come to the conclusion I am scared of people now. I avoid eye contact when walking opposite directions. I sit in the back row. I read my Stephen King at all times.

It's almost creepy.

You know what though? These people aren't that scary. And when I really think about it, I've met some great people. There's Avery from Michigan in Psych 101. He had a great handshake and conversation. Oh, not to mention the goth before that. There was Roller Blade Boy in Current Social Problems. He had great hair and was awkward, but nice. The Ideal Husband. Daniel in Book of Mormon. The Swedish Fish Asian in Geology. Natalie in Sculpture. 

I mean, all of those people were very friendly. I think our problem is we want people to come 100%. And people aren't going to come 100%. I mean, I'm definitely not going to go 100% for anyone. Unless they can sing like Amy Winehouse or look like Adam Brody.

I know it's stupid, but I need to work on EYE CONTACT. I never make it. Never. Especially not with strangers, which is like, the sign that you are allowing someone to talk to you. If you walk in a room and there are two empty seats, you are more likely to sit next to the girl who is looking at you than the girl who is reading Stephen King in the corner. That's just a fact.

And I'm not trying to say that I'm desperate for more meaningless interactions, I'm just trying to say that I should try. I mean, the majority of the friendships I have right now would have never happened if I wouldn't have taken some initiative.

So, friday's goals:
+make eye contact when passing strangers, if it's necessary (editors note: Complete.)
+don't be a loser (editor's note: One quarter complete.)
+friendly hostess (editor's note: Apparently that job was just "trying me out" for ten hours. I still don't know if I got it. Weirdness of the world.)
+eat a hostess cupcake (editor's note: I discovered grocery shopping is from hell. Needless to say, no hostess pastries have been consumed.)
+make a new friend at the rooftop (editor's note: I didn't get to go. I was being "tried out". I hate humans.)
+check out what the muse after party is all about (editor's note: Oh hey. Yeah, I didn't go to this either. Instead we chatted at Lindsey's apartment and then went to Cafe West and talked on the benches. It was quite enjoyable. I love Hailey James. She is my favorite female under the age of 47.)

Yay. That's it. In all reality, Stephen King is just a wonderful writer. Go grab yoself a copy of "'salem's Lot". And while you're at it, please explain to me why it has an apostrophe in front of the "s".

XOXO
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