Sunday, October 9, 2011

Construction can go to hell.

WOW. Ok. This is going to happen right now.
Rant: Starting.

My mom ran into Wal-Mart a couple months ago, and some JUNKIE, HIPSTER, LOSER, LONE PEAK CHUM jacked her GPS. The very same GPS I use to go to Salt Lake.
Whatever, that happened and it sucked, but it wasn't the end of the world. Since then I have gotten lost multiple times. It sucks, but it is what it is.

I am livid.

Here's what happened.

So, I get out of my meeting at 9:17. I drive to Halladay to get a costume for my friend. We spend approximately three minutes there. We hit the road again. We merge right to go West, instead of merging left to go North. We get on the wrong freeway and say goodbye to another 6 minutes. We get back on the right freeway. I drop her off.

Now here folks, is where it gets real ridiculous. Apparently, Utah has recently passed a law where there must be maddening construction going on at all times. If a day goes by where someone doesn't almost crash or yell curse words at the top of their lungs, then that's a problem.

So, I'm heading back from my friends house to get on the free way and go home. I approach the ramp, only to be greeted by the two worst, most unreasonable, unnecessary words in the whole world: Ramp Closed.

Like, what the hell? You can't close a ramp!! How're people supposed to get to where they need to go?! So, I was on the phone with my mother at the moment, talking about how I had gotten lost previously. I see a sign that says "detour" when I come upon a stop light. However, there is no direction for this "detour" sign, and there are orange cones plaguing the street. So, I naturally keep driving straight.

I'm talking to my mom and freaking out, because I'm lost. I realize where I am sort of, so I tell her. She can't figure out which way I'm coming from. So, she decides on this beautiful piece of advice.
"Ok.... ok. Ok. Emily? Drive on that road... until you see another road. That's big. Then turn onto that one and get on the freeway."

Cool. Thanks mom. You know, that will be super easy. Considering the fact that all the roads are the same size and none of them lead to the freeway that is now behind me... ya.

So, I ended up going back to my friend's house. From there I went to my other friends house. I could remember how I got to his house, so I got back on the freeway and all was good.

My mother wanted me to get Burger King. Of all the places. I drive up, place my order, and pay the woman. I asked for a diet coke, and she gave me coke. Now I have an extra 200 calories going on, which means my thighs will touch and I haven't even had children yet.

Then, I go to leave. Guess what? THE ROAD WAS CLOSED. So, I flipped a U-ie right in the middle of the road and backtracked yet again.

Here I am, home at last. After two hours of driving. It usually takes me about 45 minutes... so that's what? Like, at least an hour of driving around lost? Cool.

Oh!! And, to top it all off, when I got home I made an "annoying jar" for my mother and told her to put three dollars inside of it. She got all offended and told me I was being unreasonable and rude. NOTICE: She did not thank me for the food, ask me how I got home, or apologize for being a pain.

Mother, if you are reading this, you not only owe me three dollars, but also a nice dinner to Tuscany and a winter drive down 9000 East.

Well, that's all folks. I'm getting my film photos tomorrow from Wal-Mart. So, prepare yourself.
If you have any ideas of things I should do with my life, I'm all open. I'm so terribly bored these days.

I did have a picnic with Trixie and watch a kid streak, but that will be tomorrow's post.

Goodnight my dearies.
I hope your mother is better with directions and apologies than mine.


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